Category Archives: Non-toy ad Tuesday

Predictive text – it’s no picnic

‘Why are you looking so perplexed?’ Wooof asked me this morning during my third cup of coffee.

‘It’s that predictive text thingy,’ I said.

‘Oh?’

‘Well, it never works. For example, I’ve been researching for a big writing piece I’m working on. I tried to enter into my search engine: “Public Inquiries of the Twentieth Century” … and do you know what it predicted?’

‘What?’

‘”Picnic Injuries of the Twentieth Century”, that’s what!’

‘Ha-ha,’ laughed the cat. ‘I suppose that might involve trapped fingers inside hampers, wasp stings, napkin cuts, champagne corks in the eye.’

‘It’s pretty serious stuff when you look into it. Perhaps we ought to warn our readers?’

‘We should,’ agreed the cat. ‘Summer’s only around the corner. Soon there’ll be chequered blankets and condiments everywhere! How are we to keep the good folk of Vintage-land safe?’

‘By launching our very own public service picnic ad campaign!’ I said.

‘Are you serious?’

‘Sometimes.’

‘Alright,’ said the cat. ‘Let’s do it!’


INTRODUCING 

TVTA’s Summertime Safe Picnic Initiative is proudly sponsored by Badgerworth’s Wasp-catcher Kettles and Foxes & Fangles Mind That Bear Exploding Monkeys.



Ask The Family! 

We asked 1960’s Tammy’s family for their top Dos and Don’ts when it comes to enjoying a safe picnic in style.


The right look, the safe look!

Tammy: “It’s important for me to look my best at all times. But when it comes to picnics… skiing, roller skates and archery are huge no-go areas. Don’t be tempted by the latest fads or what your friends might say. It’s just not worth the risk!”

 

Below: Good show Tammy, that’s the safe way to picnic and you still look stylish!


Don’t be a square, daddy-o!

Ted and Dad are taking big risks by wearing such formal and warm attire to the picnic. 27% of picnic fatalities are caused by heat exposure and the rapid onset of mindless delirium. In severe cases the over-heated picnicker may resort to heinous criminal activity. 

Below: That’s better lads!


Stay cool, but never be underdressed!

Blimey Mom, watch out for your skin! More than 32% of picnic fatalities are caused by deadly insects attracted to human flesh. In addition, serious sunburn injuries can occur within just minutes of exposing bare arms and legs on the picnic blanket. Don’t risk it. Cover up sensibly. Mom looks great for a woman her age, let’s keep her that way!


Keep an eye on children at all times!

More than 47% of picnic fatalities arise from children being taken offsite by wild bears, mountain lions, Komodo dragons and in rare cases sharks.

Be seen!

Tammy’s younger sister Pepper says: “When I was very young I had to stay at home during family picnics. Understandable. The risk was too great. Now I’m older I wear the latest, brightest and fashionable clothing so that my family can easily spot me. Bright colours can also act as a deterrent to killer animals. Don’t forget to accessorise with glitter and jewellery to make you really stand out! Visibility coupled with style is key. How else will your family be able to find you as wild creatures drag you screaming into the woods by your bleeding hair follicles and…  

… alright Pepper that’s enough, we get the idea. Stop freaking us out! 

Picnic on dudes!

So dear reader, this summer, be safe, be seen, be stylish, and most importantly enjoy your picnic adventures!

 


Editor’s note: If you would like to find out more about Tammy’s family then please take a look at our excellent Tammy catalogue pages here

And Wooof, please change the site logo back to how it was!

Non-toy ad Tuesday – Valentine Office Cats

St. Valentine’s Day is almost upon us, and it’s right about now Wooof starts receiving in the post more ‘Valentine’ mail than we do adverts and catalogues combined. Honestly, this morning when I arrived at the front door of TVTA Towers I nearly broke an ankle tripping over Wooof’s fan mail. Not that I’m jealous or anything. The last time I received a Valentine card was when I time travelled all the way back to the Romantic Era to pick up a fine tapestry made for me by a most charming and aspiring poet. The tapestry weighed a ton, and sadly it disintegrated upon re-entry to the 21st Century. But it’s the thought that counts.

Wooof asked me to post up some items from his ‘cat collection’ before he departed for three days of Valentine pampering at the Kool Kitty Jazz Spa in town.

Here you go cat lovers… miaou… miaou .!

Theophile Alexandre Steinlen. Collection du Chat Noir. 1898.

Quinquina Dubonnet. Jules Cheret. 1896.

Une Vie De Chat / A Cat’s Life (A cat in Paris). Japan. 2012.

Une Vie De Chat (reverse)

The Celtic Animal Oracle. Franklin and Mason. 2003. Vega.

Lisette. 1946. France.

Cat Fancy. Feb 2015.

Cat Fancy. Feb 2015.

Les Aventuriers du Micromonde. Pif Gadget. 1982.

Sunday Pictorial. 1926. UK.

Film Review. 1979. UK.

The lack of sleep of the cat

No work for three whole days! Yippee Wooof, it is Tuesday, right? Absotiffily, replied the cat, who was returning, somewhat bleary-eyed, from all an all-nighter down in the archives. Armed with empty cartons of Are-You-Feline-Fine-Cat-Fuel, Miow-Miow-Nitro-biscuits and a dozen or so vintage adverts, the poor mog looked absolutely exhausted!

You’re working too hard, you should take a day off, I told him, like me. Not until we get these latest ads scanned, replied the cat. We’ve got deadlines, didn’t ya know.

Me: Yes, and you have crows feet, and more bags under your eyes than the Eye of Horus coming out of Sainsbury’s on a Saturday morning! Now give me those ads and go and grab some zeds. I’ll do the scanning today.

Wooof: If you’re sure?

Me: So long as there are no clown ads I’m good.

Wooof: Nope, no clown ads today.

Me: Positive?

Wooof: Positive. Jings, sonny, when are you going to get over this ridiculous fear of clowns?

Me: I’m trying, Wooof, I’m trying. Now, donc, alors, allez, au lit… bonne nuit!

Righto, said the cat, on my way! Oh, and by the way, it’s not Tuesday, it’s Wednesday…

Too late. Cue sounds of scanner….

Whirr… whirr… click…

Whirr… whirr… click…

Whirr… whirr… click…

Whirr… whirr…

Whirr…

Woooooooooffffffffff!!!”


In today’s Non-toy ad Tuesday non-Tuesday non-sleep blog post, we get all bubblegummed-up with Malabar and Bazooka. We get snappy with Kodak and Polaroid cameras, quench our thirst with sporty-themed drinks, brush our teeth with Colgate, discover that in Danish Kaptajn Knas cereals is Cap’n Crunch cereals, and Peter Plys is Winnie-the-Pooh, and lastly we get busy with the fizzy SodaStream!

Malabar Bubblegum

France. Pif Gadget. 1983.

France. Pif Gadget. 1983.

France. Pif Gadget. 1978.

Polaroid Instant 10 Camera

France. Pif Gadget. 1978.

Kodak camera

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1983.

Colgate

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1983.

Sporty-themed Drinks

Denmark. 1988.

France. Pif Gadget. 1977.

Kaptajn Knas is Cap’n Crunch in Denmark

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1987.

Peter Plys is Winnie-the-Pooh in Denmark

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1981.

SodaStream

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1981.

Denmark. 1980.

Thank you for bypassing clowns with us 🙂

Non-toy ad Tuesday: music and meetings

Wooof and I just got back from the International Retro Editor & Cat Conference in Oslo. Ha, what a bunch of losers those editors and cats are! Just look at this photo we took –

Oh… wait, what’s that Wooof? You mean that photo is actually us … at the TVTA editorial staff meeting from last November? Wow, we look so strung out. Must get vitamins and haircuts!

So, Wooof, remind me, what is the subject of our latest Non-toy ad Tuesday article?

That’s right, it’s music!

We’ll be looking at French goodies such as a 1983 cover of Rock & BD magazine … a prize competition to put words into James Brown’s mouth! … adverts for the Body Rap, Miles Davis, U2 … and there’s also some Danish treats with Mr Music cassettes, Ga-jol throat lozenges, and a 1969 Disney competition to win a Philips stereo!

Enjoy, while we go get a haircut and straighten out!


France. Rock & BD Associated. 1983.

Polydor and Rigolo magazine prize competition to win James Brown album reissues. Question 2 asks you to imagine the Godfather of soul’s reaction when faced with these magnificent Polydor reissues! France. Rigolo. 1983.

France. Cora. 1988.

France. Rock & BD Associated. 1983.

France. Rock & BD Associated. 1983.

France. Rigolo. 1983.

Denmark. 1988.

Denmark. 1988.

Denmark. 1988.

Denmark. 1969.


See you again soon for another Non-toy ad Tuesday!


 

Non-toy ad Tuesday: Dali’s Chupa Chups

Did you know that the famous surrealist artist Salvador Dali was responsible for the design logo of Chupa Chups lollipops?

Dali created the logo in 1969 for the Spanish confectionery brand which is still used today.

Left: Woman at Chupa Chups store dispenser, circa 1960s. Image credit unknown. Right: Salvador Dali. 1939. Image credit Carl Van Vechten Photographs.


Danish ad, 1980.


French ad, 1980s


I want candy!


*** In other vintage news ***

… we look at movie ads for Dead Calm and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure …

… we snack-out with Reese’s Pieces, Smarties and Sunkist …

… get sporty with Nike, Salomon and Iris …

… and finally, we welcome the Netherlands to TVTA with our first ever Dutch advert!

… and what a corker it is … let’s just say it’s a Nintendo classic!

As always, thanks for looking!

US. Swamp Thing. 1989.

US. The Phantom. 1989.

US. Rom. 1985.

France. Pif Gadget. 1977.

Germany. YPS. 1980.

UK. Running. 1986.

Germany. YPS. 1980.

Brazil. Almanaque Dos Namorados. 1985.


Welcome to TVTA the Netherlands! Donkey Kong. CBS Electronics. 1983.

Non-toy ad Tuesday: office cats and the munchies

“Be careful of what you put into your mouth.”

Interplanetary Federation Supermarket Customer Advice Proverb.

A TVTA Food, Drink and Snack special report!

Most office cats are content to work the bare minimum – catch mice, make tea, answer the phone, that type of thing. Not so Wooof… TVTA’s faithful feline has just spent the past three weeks down in the archives searching for vintage adverts and other retro paperwork goodies!

Any luck? I asked him as he emerged from the basement dressed in dust, cobwebs and, bizarrely, a 1980 R2-D2 Thermal Underoos set.

Yes, replied the cat, I have enough ads to keep us busy the whole of the summer. He showed me the tartan suitcase which he had lugged up the stairs. I opened it. It was full of vintage adverts. Excellent.

There are no clown adverts are there? I asked him.

Goodness, no, replied the cat.

Only, the last time we made a Non-toy ad Tuesday post, I seem to recall some very disturbing images of clowns and other odd stuff.

Don’t worry, said Wooof. It’s completely clown-free. I’ve checked. There’s nothing odd at all. Just perfectly normal food, drink and snack adverts.

You’re not lying?

I’m not lying. Now get scanning. We’ve deadlines to meet!

Righto, I replied.

——  ——  ——  ——   ——   ——

Cue sounds of scanner…

 

sounds like…

 

Stur stur smag!

 

Stur stur smag!

 

Stur stur smag!

 

 

Denmark. 1983.


In other disturbing news,

TV Cereal Killer caught on film.

Denmark. 1988.


Salty Spunk liquorice lozenges hit the streets…

Denmark. 1977.


Victory V. Suck it and see.

UK. Running. 1986.


Superman action strip colouring contest with Trebor chews.

UK. Star Wars Weekly. 1979.


Snit dig en Cool burger!

Denmark. 1984.


Philips kitchenware 1980s style!

UK. Mobil Gifts Catalogue. 1986.


Frisk! Stimorol chewing gum.

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1986.

Frisk! 80s!

Denmark. 1984.


M&M’s. The milk chocolate melts in your mouth not in your hands.

US. X Factor, 1987.

US. Legion of Superheroes. 1984.


Tonimalt. French malt drink favourite with Ulysse 31 (Ulysses 31) promotion.

France. Journal de Mickey. 1983.


Another gloriously nonsensical Hostess Superhero ad! This one’s going straight into the collection Hostess Superhero ads

US. 1976.


Weetabix

UK. Prima. 1987.


Tom and Jerry get licked!

Denmark. 1983.


So eighties!

Denmark. 1988.


Soft drinks galore!

1. Fanta. Denmark. 1978.

Fast forward a couple of decades later…

Absolutely Fabulous. BBC.co.uk/abfab.


2. 7UP. Denmark. 1977.

3. Coke. UK. 1979.

4. Pepsi-Cola. Denmark. 1978.

And finally, we end this post with a giraffe. It’s not often we can say that. Or this…

5. Schwip Schwap!


If you are interested in learning more about food, drink and snacks then why not visit your local supermarket where many examples can be viewed free by the public. Don’t forget to take along your pencils and a sketch pad in case you wish to make notes and illustrations for your school project. Or why not ask the supermarket manager if you can snap a few photographs! He or she will only be too happy to oblige and may even throw in a few treats for you to take home to your parents. This post has been brought to you by TVTA and the Interplanetary Federation Supermarket Customer Advice Bureau. Best before Feb 2223. This is a free-range post and no animals were harmed. Just Ewoks. Recycle the carton when finished. Enjoy responsibly.


 

Office cat tales: this sucks


NYHED!

This morning, Wooof came up from TVTA’s archives with a strange batch of vintage adverts.
“What you got there, Wooof?” I asked.
“Found these stuffed down the back of that old printing press,” replied the cat.
“That’s no printing press,” I said, “that’s the original TVTA office time machine, which is officially on ice until we get those replacement parts I ordered from 1928.”
“Whatever,” said the cat. “What shall I do with these ads?”
Wooof handed me the ads.
“Good grief,” I said. “Some of these ads are completely weird. No wonder they were hidden behind the time machine!”
“I dare say the previous editor intended to send them to the middle ages or somewhere,” said the cat. “Want me to shred them?”
“No. Let’s scan them double-quick, post them up, and hope no one notices! We can say it was a glitch.”
“Or fake news,” said Wooof. “If you hide them among some of our usual ads, no one will ever notice.”
“Good plan, Wooof” said I.
Cue sounds of office scanner…
… sounds like …
… stur… stur… smag…
… stur…stur… smag…
… stur… stur… smag …




NYHED!















NYHED!






This post was brought to you by office cats, broken time machines and Non-toy ad non-Tuesday Tuesdays.


 

Non-toy ad Tuesday: what’s a weekly?

“Zoey and Danny … following the recent zombie holocaust, and as the only surviving children of this school, I’m delighted to inform you that you’ve been made prefects! Now, all you have to do to claim your shiny new badges is explain to me what is a ‘weekly’ …”

Our office cat, Wooof, recently posed the question, What is a weekly?

It’s generally some sort of publication that occurs every seven days, I replied. For example, I could begin this post with … Welcome to TVTA’s weekly edition of Non-toy ad Tuesday!

And you would be lying through your teeth, said Wooof, Non-toy ad Tuesday is never weekly. You use the term as loosely as that ill-fitting bright orange and brown ski-jumper Mrs Coldkettle the tea lady knitted you last Christmas!

Don’t mention that dreadful jumper! I said. Mrs Coldkettle’s heart is in the right place, sadly her taste in knitwear isn’t.

So you admit Non-toy ad Tuesday is not a weekly?

You got me, Wooof. It’s not a weekly.

So what is a weekly then?

Look, why don’t you go and consult your new cat dictionary app you had for Christmas or something, and leave me to get on with posting up the scans?

Fine, said the cat. What are you posting first?

An ad for a French music magazine from 1987.

A weekly?

No. A monthly

🙂

Also in this week’s issue: Memorex, Wharfedale, VHS, Lemmy, Air France, News Cigarettes, Mitsubishi cars, and a nifty Judge Dredd towelling robe!


France. Pif Gadget. 1987.

France. Pif Gadget. 1987.


France. Charlie Mensuel. 1983.

France. Charlie Mensuel. 1983.


UK. Sky Magazine. 1987.


UK. 2000 AD Sci-Fi Special. 1987.


UK. 2000 AD Sci-Fi Special. 1987.


UK. Starburst. 1984.


US. Time. 1980.

US. Time. 1980.


US. Time. 1980.

US. Time. 1980.


France. Charlie Mensuel. 1983.


Thanks for looking! Join us again soon for another (un-weekly) edition of Non-toy ad Tuesday!