stimorol gum | The Vintage Toy Advertiser

‘A nice gift in each packet’. Malabar bubble-gum. 1983. France.

This morning I was surprised to see our office cat Wooof floating inside what can only be described as a pink balloon of bubble-gum.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m floating inside a pink balloon of bubble-gum,” replied the cat.

It seemed perfectly reasonable for me to ask, “Why?”

“I was scanning some adverts for a blog post about bubble-gum and chewing-gum when I stumbled across several old packs of the pink stuff which accidently on purpose fell into my mouth.”

“You mean you’ve been chewing vintage gum again?”

“Yes. Forty-seven pieces to be precise.”

“Gloria Gaynor, Wooof! I know TVTA has been accused of being trapped inside a worthless vintage bubble, but you’ve taken that criticism to a whole new level.”

“If I don’t stop floating upwards I may reach a new level entirely – like outside,” said the cat nervously. “I see you still haven’t replaced the missing roof tiles. How about you poke me with a big stick, quick, before I end up fighting for air space with the starlings, drones and police helicopters.”

“Poke you with a stick?” I said. “I’d hate to deflate your ego dear cat.”

“This is no time for your ridiculous puns.”

“Office cat bubble-pun gum-filled trip to the sun?”

“Just poke me!”

And so I grabbed a nearby bargepole (for some reason we have nine of them in the TVTA office) and I deflated the cat, who landed on the floor with such a wallop that Mrs Coldkettle the tea lady dropped the coffee urn on her big toe and delivered a volley of such fierce oaths that it immediately began to rain. But back to the poor cat… and post-explosion Wooof had made a terrible mess on the office floor – all pink, sticky fur and candyfloss tail and globs of gum and retro adverts strewn about like an 80s Barbie party gone mad.

“Look at the state of me,” moaned the cat. “How will I get all this gum out of my fur?”

“Looks like I’ll have to leave you in the office fridge-freezer overnight,” I said.

“No way! You know we have an angry polar bear in the fridge!”

“Wooof, stop linking to that old post! It’s ancient history.”

“You’ll be ancient history if you don’t hurry up and get this gum out of my fur.”

“Alright. Calm down. Now, where’s your Hello Kitty grooming brush? I’m afraid this is going to hurt you more than it’s going to hurt me…”

Hours later

So, after much cat-a-wailing the cat finally got de-gummed, and we even had time to finish scanning all those bubble gum and chewing gum adverts he’d found. Phew!