Category Archives: Wooof

Predictive text – it’s no picnic

‘Why are you looking so perplexed?’ Wooof asked me this morning during my third cup of coffee.

‘It’s that predictive text thingy,’ I said.

‘Oh?’

‘Well, it never works. For example, I’ve been researching for a big writing piece I’m working on. I tried to enter into my search engine: “Public Inquiries of the Twentieth Century” … and do you know what it predicted?’

‘What?’

‘”Picnic Injuries of the Twentieth Century”, that’s what!’

‘Ha-ha,’ laughed the cat. ‘I suppose that might involve trapped fingers inside hampers, wasp stings, napkin cuts, champagne corks in the eye.’

‘It’s pretty serious stuff when you look into it. Perhaps we ought to warn our readers?’

‘We should,’ agreed the cat. ‘Summer’s only around the corner. Soon there’ll be chequered blankets and condiments everywhere! How are we to keep the good folk of Vintage-land safe?’

‘By launching our very own public service picnic ad campaign!’ I said.

‘Are you serious?’

‘Sometimes.’

‘Alright,’ said the cat. ‘Let’s do it!’


INTRODUCING 

TVTA’s Summertime Safe Picnic Initiative is proudly sponsored by Badgerworth’s Wasp-catcher Kettles and Foxes & Fangles Mind That Bear Exploding Monkeys.



Ask The Family! 

We asked 1960’s Tammy’s family for their top Dos and Don’ts when it comes to enjoying a safe picnic in style.


The right look, the safe look!

Tammy: “It’s important for me to look my best at all times. But when it comes to picnics… skiing, roller skates and archery are huge no-go areas. Don’t be tempted by the latest fads or what your friends might say. It’s just not worth the risk!”

 

Below: Good show Tammy, that’s the safe way to picnic and you still look stylish!


Don’t be a square, daddy-o!

Ted and Dad are taking big risks by wearing such formal and warm attire to the picnic. 27% of picnic fatalities are caused by heat exposure and the rapid onset of mindless delirium. In severe cases the over-heated picnicker may resort to heinous criminal activity. 

Below: That’s better lads!


Stay cool, but never be underdressed!

Blimey Mom, watch out for your skin! More than 32% of picnic fatalities are caused by deadly insects attracted to human flesh. In addition, serious sunburn injuries can occur within just minutes of exposing bare arms and legs on the picnic blanket. Don’t risk it. Cover up sensibly. Mom looks great for a woman her age, let’s keep her that way!


Keep an eye on children at all times!

More than 47% of picnic fatalities arise from children being taken offsite by wild bears, mountain lions, Komodo dragons and in rare cases sharks.

Be seen!

Tammy’s younger sister Pepper says: “When I was very young I had to stay at home during family picnics. Understandable. The risk was too great. Now I’m older I wear the latest, brightest and fashionable clothing so that my family can easily spot me. Bright colours can also act as a deterrent to killer animals. Don’t forget to accessorise with glitter and jewellery to make you really stand out! Visibility coupled with style is key. How else will your family be able to find you as wild creatures drag you screaming into the woods by your bleeding hair follicles and…  

… alright Pepper that’s enough, we get the idea. Stop freaking us out! 

Picnic on dudes!

So dear reader, this summer, be safe, be seen, be stylish, and most importantly enjoy your picnic adventures!

 


Editor’s note: If you would like to find out more about Tammy’s family then please take a look at our excellent Tammy catalogue pages here

And Wooof, please change the site logo back to how it was!

Etch A Sketch

An original boxed French-produced Etch A Sketch marketed as Télécran in France, the country in which it was invented.

The linographic drawing toy Etch A Sketch was invented by André Cassagnes and marketed as Télécran in France. The mechanical drawing board is instantly recognisable with its plastic red frame and two white knobs. The knobs are turned by hand to control a vertical and horizontal stylus across an aluminium powder-coated surface which creates solid lines on the screen.

Classic toy

Etch A Sketch has proved an immensely popular toy throughout the 1960s to present times, winning numerous awards like the ‘Toy Oscars’, induction into the ‘National Toy Hall of Fame’, the ‘Century of Toys List’, recommendations by the French Ministry of Education, and character roles in all three Toy Story movies.

Suitable for office cats?

You bet. I asked Wooof to test out our 1980s French version. Several hours’ later and three spent boxes of Catbizkit Chowbars, here are the stunning results, straight from the cat!


Adverts

Etch A Sketch catalogue entry. Ets De Neuter. 1995. France.


Etch A Sketch catalogue entry. Trampline. 1980. France.


The Toy Story films

Disney Pixar.

Disney Pixar

 


How does Etch A Sketch work?

Basic mechanism of operating a 2-dimensional plotter. All of the numbered components correspond to those which move the plotter’s stylus horizontally, and the lettered components with those which move it vertically. Device consists of a series of 10 pulleys, 6 cables, 2 rails, and a stylus. 
The toy is a kind of plotter. The inside surface of the glass screen is coated with aluminium powder, which is then scraped off by a movable stylus, leaving a dark line on the light gray screen. The stylus is controlled by the two large knobs, one of which moves it vertically and the other horizontally. Turning both knobs simultaneously makes diagonal lines. To erase the picture, the user turns the toy upside down and shakes it. Doing this causes polystyrene beads to smooth out and re-coat the inside surface of the screen with aluminum powder. The “black” line merely exposes the darkness inside the toy. Filling in large “black” areas allows enough light through to expose parts of the interior. – Author: K.D. Schroeder – graphic name.svg from Wikimedia Commons – License: CC-BY-SA 3.0


That’s all for now Etcher-sketchers, thanks for getting doodly with us 🙂

Everything but the kitchen sink

Wooof just gave me his Hello Kitty USB stick and said: “Latest ads all scanned boss, post ’em up, I’m off to Italy for the weekend.” “What kind of ads are they?” I asked the cat. “Oh, a bit of this, a bit of that. Everything but the kitchen sink really.” “And how am I supposed to put a theme to them?” I said. “There are categories and tags and witty comments to consider. We can’t all go swanning off to Italy you know.” “How should I know,” replied the cat, already packing his case and searching for his Aviators. “You’re the editor. Just call the post ‘Everything But The Kitchen Sink’, or something.” “Righto,” I said. “Ha, be funny if there really was a kitchen sink ad on your USB stick.” The cat looked at me and sighed. “That would be just ridiculous. Right, I’m off. Plane to catch. Don’t work too hard this weekend. Miow and ciao baby!”

Bye Wooof.

Door slams.

Cue one inserted Hello Kitty USB stick into the TVTA hard drive, and I present, a mixed bag of retro adverts, everything but the kitchen sink…


First up … Nice going Wooof … you found some Sony Walkman ads …

France. Ets De Neuter catalogue. 1995.

France. Ets de Neuter catalogue. 1995.

Next … Bubble Yum bubble gum wild cherry goodness … 

US. Weird War Tales. 1980.

Next … Cool, 2000 AD and Judge Dredd badges …

2000 AD. Prog 333. 1983.

Marvel and DC comics action figures …

UK. Wizard. 2008.

Some Transformers …

France. Catalogue Super Jouet. 1985.

Erm … A Kerrang! Keep it loud! badge. I remember wearing that …

Next … Bravo Wooof … it’s the Armand Zildjian 19 inch ride … drool … I ride with a vintage 20 inch Zildjian Ping, but still … drool!

UK. Z-Time. 2004.

Well done Wooof, you found more Zildjian ads …

UK. Z-Time. 2004.

The Clone Wars … Marbs …

UK. Wizard. 2008.

Zarjaz! Return of the Jedi free album and stickers with 2000 AD …

UK. 2000 AD. 1983.

Acme boots, it’s the saga of Johnny West …

US. Weird War Tales. 1980.

And finally … lol! … Wooof was tricking us all along … there really is an ad for a kitchen sink …

France. Jouet Mont Blanc catalogue. 1969.

That’s all for now folks. Thanks for stopping by. Please wash your dishes on the way out  🙂

Non-toy ad Tuesday – Valentine Office Cats

St. Valentine’s Day is almost upon us, and it’s right about now Wooof starts receiving in the post more ‘Valentine’ mail than we do adverts and catalogues combined. Honestly, this morning when I arrived at the front door of TVTA Towers I nearly broke an ankle tripping over Wooof’s fan mail. Not that I’m jealous or anything. The last time I received a Valentine card was when I time travelled all the way back to the Romantic Era to pick up a fine tapestry made for me by a most charming and aspiring poet. The tapestry weighed a ton, and sadly it disintegrated upon re-entry to the 21st Century. But it’s the thought that counts.

Wooof asked me to post up some items from his ‘cat collection’ before he departed for three days of Valentine pampering at the Kool Kitty Jazz Spa in town.

Here you go cat lovers… miaou… miaou .!

Theophile Alexandre Steinlen. Collection du Chat Noir. 1898.

Quinquina Dubonnet. Jules Cheret. 1896.

Une Vie De Chat / A Cat’s Life (A cat in Paris). Japan. 2012.

Une Vie De Chat (reverse)

The Celtic Animal Oracle. Franklin and Mason. 2003. Vega.

Lisette. 1946. France.

Cat Fancy. Feb 2015.

Cat Fancy. Feb 2015.

Les Aventuriers du Micromonde. Pif Gadget. 1982.

Sunday Pictorial. 1926. UK.

Film Review. 1979. UK.

The lack of sleep of the cat

No work for three whole days! Yippee Wooof, it is Tuesday, right? Absotiffily, replied the cat, who was returning, somewhat bleary-eyed, from all an all-nighter down in the archives. Armed with empty cartons of Are-You-Feline-Fine-Cat-Fuel, Miow-Miow-Nitro-biscuits and a dozen or so vintage adverts, the poor mog looked absolutely exhausted!

You’re working too hard, you should take a day off, I told him, like me. Not until we get these latest ads scanned, replied the cat. We’ve got deadlines, didn’t ya know.

Me: Yes, and you have crows feet, and more bags under your eyes than the Eye of Horus coming out of Sainsbury’s on a Saturday morning! Now give me those ads and go and grab some zeds. I’ll do the scanning today.

Wooof: If you’re sure?

Me: So long as there are no clown ads I’m good.

Wooof: Nope, no clown ads today.

Me: Positive?

Wooof: Positive. Jings, sonny, when are you going to get over this ridiculous fear of clowns?

Me: I’m trying, Wooof, I’m trying. Now, donc, alors, allez, au lit… bonne nuit!

Righto, said the cat, on my way! Oh, and by the way, it’s not Tuesday, it’s Wednesday…

Too late. Cue sounds of scanner….

Whirr… whirr… click…

Whirr… whirr… click…

Whirr… whirr… click…

Whirr… whirr…

Whirr…

Woooooooooffffffffff!!!”


In today’s Non-toy ad Tuesday non-Tuesday non-sleep blog post, we get all bubblegummed-up with Malabar and Bazooka. We get snappy with Kodak and Polaroid cameras, quench our thirst with sporty-themed drinks, brush our teeth with Colgate, discover that in Danish Kaptajn Knas cereals is Cap’n Crunch cereals, and Peter Plys is Winnie-the-Pooh, and lastly we get busy with the fizzy SodaStream!

Malabar Bubblegum

France. Pif Gadget. 1983.

France. Pif Gadget. 1983.

France. Pif Gadget. 1978.

Polaroid Instant 10 Camera

France. Pif Gadget. 1978.

Kodak camera

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1983.

Colgate

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1983.

Sporty-themed Drinks

Denmark. 1988.

France. Pif Gadget. 1977.

Kaptajn Knas is Cap’n Crunch in Denmark

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1987.

Peter Plys is Winnie-the-Pooh in Denmark

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1981.

SodaStream

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1981.

Denmark. 1980.

Thank you for bypassing clowns with us 🙂

TVTA means…

2017 in review. Bolt by bolt.

Wooof and I like to celebrate our small achievements here at TVTA. In 2017 we gained more than 2.5 million followers, 2 billion likes, received numerous nominations such as the Lobster Award, the Good Morning I’m Hungry Award, the Time Travelling Companions of Gannow Award, the Friendly Blogger Looking to Borrow A Few Bucks Award, the Sunshine And Scattered Showers Award, and we were also Freshly Parsed 42 times!

Why, that’s enough achievements to be able to view the Great Wall of China from space with a pair of 1980s dinosaur explorer toy binoculars, cold enough to freeze penguins to a lampost, and loud enough to distract excitable puppies when used in conjunction with a sonic dog whistle and My Little Kitty glove puppet!

So what does it all mean, this TVTA thing? And do we have adverts for it?

Well, a quick browse on the interweb reveals that TVTA actually means… Threat and Vulnerablity Testing and Assessment

TVTA also means… Thermal Vacuum Test Article

and TVTA also means … Technical and Vocational Training Act

and Triple Vaginal Triple Anal … WOAH! Stop right there Wooof!

Where the heck did that one come from?

This is a family-friendly blog showcasing vintage toys!

Suffice to say, there is no mention of our humble blog anywhere in acronym land, so Wooof has been frantically retro-adding TVTA to the tags of all our old posts like a cat out of hell!

Go Wooof, you fantastic cat you!

And now, the TVTA 2017 awards sponsored by Stephen Spookberg’s Speak and Spell Time Machine Soda-Stream Maker (includes FREE collectable ‘owls of the world’ and ‘dragon botherer’ cigarette cards while stocks last) …

Our best missing item from 2017: Has anyone seen our Elizabethan tape machine?

Has anyone seen our Elizabethan tape machine? We seem to have misplaced it the last time we time travelled to 1955. If you find it, please return it to our usual address at TVTA Towers, France, Earth. Thanks in advance!

The 2017 Conquering Our Ridiculous Fear Of Clowns Award

We thought we were doing great. The hypnotherapy sessions had been positive. The yoga was beneficial. We were no longer afraid to leave the office. And Wooof was off the meds. Then these two paperworks landed on our desk yesterday, and now we’re right back where we started. Gah!

The 2017 TVTA Best Fashion Statement Award: Cheese tee-shirts

The 2017 TVTA Best Unfortunately-Named Throat Pastel Award

The 2017 TVTA Best Hulk Recreation And Leisure Award

The TVTA Best Adverts Of 2017 Award

Thanks for coming to the awards! Sincere thanks to everyone who has read TVTA this past year. May 2018 be a happy and fruitful year for you and yours 🙂

Non-toy ad Tuesday: music and meetings

Wooof and I just got back from the International Retro Editor & Cat Conference in Oslo. Ha, what a bunch of losers those editors and cats are! Just look at this photo we took –

Oh… wait, what’s that Wooof? You mean that photo is actually us … at the TVTA editorial staff meeting from last November? Wow, we look so strung out. Must get vitamins and haircuts!

So, Wooof, remind me, what is the subject of our latest Non-toy ad Tuesday article?

That’s right, it’s music!

We’ll be looking at French goodies such as a 1983 cover of Rock & BD magazine … a prize competition to put words into James Brown’s mouth! … adverts for the Body Rap, Miles Davis, U2 … and there’s also some Danish treats with Mr Music cassettes, Ga-jol throat lozenges, and a 1969 Disney competition to win a Philips stereo!

Enjoy, while we go get a haircut and straighten out!


France. Rock & BD Associated. 1983.

Polydor and Rigolo magazine prize competition to win James Brown album reissues. Question 2 asks you to imagine the Godfather of soul’s reaction when faced with these magnificent Polydor reissues! France. Rigolo. 1983.

France. Cora. 1988.

France. Rock & BD Associated. 1983.

France. Rock & BD Associated. 1983.

France. Rigolo. 1983.

Denmark. 1988.

Denmark. 1988.

Denmark. 1988.

Denmark. 1969.


See you again soon for another Non-toy ad Tuesday!


 

Happy birthday to the editor, and RIP Harry Dean Stanton

Oh Leia! The princess perils of partying!

It’s my birthday today and I’m a little hungover – not from partying you understand; yesterday I worked my third eleven-hour shift in a row, and then spent five hours working on my novel way into the wee hours (Way Into the Wee Hours is not the title of it by the way). Apologies for any splelling errors – I will never proof read this, ever, and our sub editor long ago eloped to Scotland with the photocopier repair guy. Ah, I love an office romance. Apologies too if the following ads make little sense, but then things don’t always make sense at TVTA, which is absolutely fine, according to Wooof.


The day started off with some nice pressies and cards, but also with the sad news that actor Harry Dean Stanton died. I absolutely love his work with David Lynch, and also his roles in Alien and Pretty in Pink. RIP man!

Alas, there’s nothing in the TVTA archives to represent Harry Dean, other than this cool Japanese Chirashi of Alien in which HD played the character Brett.


In other hungover vintage news…

Feeling scummy? Then you will need Skummy bar! Excellent for long days and late nights, and a guranteed Dolphin to drag you merrrilly into Christmas!


For that lingering hungover feeling…

Try Trill.

Seems to work for budgies! (Please stand on your head to view pic correctly).


Works for Harvey too!


Rufus! Get ootay ma heed! The last thing you need when hungover is a skateboarding cheese with a turd-shaped hairstyle zooming around in your head!


Kaboom!

TVTA is most definitely going to try and find one of these at the next flea market we go to, and turn it into a time machine! And our first stop? 1967…


We will party like it’s 1967!!

Thanks for looking. Happy birthday everyone around the world!