Words and illustrations by the Editor.
For Adam.

I grew from a seed in my garden one day
A giant Mish-mash tree with purple fruit and pink spray.
It began at fourteen inches and had such an appetite
That it ate all my tomatoes and grew four foot overnight.
The next day it rained on my giant Mish-mash tree
And the sun shone so brightly that by quarter-past three
It was bigger than my house and had scoffed my runner beans.
Oh how hungry you are, my giant Mish-mash tree!

The following morning as I tended to my flowers,
My shock and my horror, they had all been devoured.
The pansies and the bluebells and my pretty rose borders,
Chomped down to their stalks, this was so out of order!
At first I blamed the slugs then the dog then the cat,
Then I realised in my garden there was only one thing so fatโฆ
Only one thing so portly, porky, podgy, plump to seeโฆ
My ever-growing space-consuming giant Mish-mash tree!

Its trunk I measured fifty feet, its height three thousand inches tall,
Each purple fruit weighed sixteen stone and looked like cannonballs.
โSheโs a lively little grower,โ my old neighbour remarked,
โYouโll need to sell your garden soon and buy a blimminโ park!โ
Pah and utter tish-tosh, how I scoffed at what he said,
But then three hours later the tree had eaten up my shed!
You greedy, gluttonous, gobbling, gulping giant Mish-mash tree,
Where am I to store my tools now my shed is in your tummy?

Enough was enough, there could be no truce or pardon,
At this rate by tomorrow I would no longer have a garden.
Angrily I shook my fist up at the Mish-mash tree,
But all it did was snigger and snort and grow another ten feet.
And then it rumbled and it grumbled and I had to act fastโฆ
I could see it had intentions on my prize strawberry patch.
And worse, my greenhouse, full of little bonsai trees,
โYou leave those tiny trees alone!โ I warned my Mish-mash tree.
I rushed inside and quickly dialled
The emergency action garden lineโฆ
The botanical gardens and the local nurseryโฆ
The national parks and the forestry committeeโฆ
Gardens Weekly and Gardenersโ Worldโฆ
What Garden, Which Garden and The Gardening Heraldโฆ
A tree surgeon, a lumberjack, a professor of treesโฆ
But they all thought me mad and put the phone down on me!
And so I chanced upon a book at the local lending library,
โHow to Win Friends and Influence People With a Nice Cup of Teaโโฆ
Well, if it can work for humans why not plants?
So I borrowed the book and took my chance!
And the very next day I approached the Mish-mash tree
With an honest invitation for a nice cup of tea.
Just him and me, in my conservatory,
And if he behaved I would chuck in a pack of custard creams!

The tree it shook with gladness and glee,
Said: โOh I do so love a cup of tea! Iโll come, Iโll come, quite happily!โ
โThereโs just one problem,โ I warned the tree,
โYouโre far too big for my conservatoryโฆ
Youโre far too big for Buckingham Palace,
And you wonโt need a cup youโll need a king-size chalice!
If only you could shrink to a reasonable sizeโฆ
Iโm certain you would have such a lovely time.โ
The Mish-mash tree looked down at me and gave a gentle smile,
Said: โEarl Grey, Indian, Chinese, mint, green and camomile,
Are all my favourite types of brew, and Iโm quite partial to a custard cream too,
So Iโll gladly shrink to a dinky thing and join you for a high tea for two!โ
โOh thank you!โ I cheered. โLet me find you a pot,
And put you on my table in the sunniest spot.
Come join me indoors, weโll drink gallons of tea,
My ever-shrinking, not space-consuming, tiny Mish-mash tree.
Drink tea, drink tea, drink gallons of tea,
Just you and me in my conservatory.โ

The End
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