Non-toy ad Tuesday: Au revoir 2016, bienvenue 2017, what could possibly go wrong?

A Mogwai from Gremlinsptaa

tta

tpm


Deep political changes, rising hatred and intolerance, the continuation of war, the loss of so many cultural idols … 2016 is perceived by many to be a truly shitworthy year of humungous proportions. Good riddance 2016. But will 2017 be any better? Me, I’m not sticking around to find out … Wooof and I are off to spend the year in the early 90s.

Inspired by the following French ads from Geo magazine, we’ve decided to swap the inevitable global hullabaloo of year 2017 for the (relative) short-term sanity of 1992 and 1994. It’s a bit like a time-travelling foreign exchange plan but without all the forms to fill in. And as it is so at TVTA – we do not look forward as so much look backwards … hardly surprising seeing as we are the N° 1 purveyor of retro pop culture paperworks (statistic unverified).

So farewell friends, au revoir, adieu, auf wiedersehen and ta ta for now. Bonne continuation, meilleurs vœux, que la force soit avec vous! We leave you with these adverts that come from a slightly more sunnier time. And as Wooof has just pointed out, how often do you see Vanessa Paradis pouring Chanel into the English Channel?


France. Geo 181. 1994.

France. Geo 181. 1994.

France. Geo 181. 1994.

France. Geo 181. 1994.


France. Geo 163. 1992.

France. Geo 163. 1992.


France. Geo 163. 1992.

France. Geo 163. 1992.


France. Geo 181. 1994.

France. Geo 181. 1994.


France. Geo 181. 1994.

France. Geo 181. 1994.


France. Geo 163. 1992.

France. Geo 163. 1992.


France. Geo 181. 1994.

France. Geo 181. 1994.


France. Geo 181. 1994.

France. Geo 181. 1994.


à 2017 !!


 

 

 

Space cats and space editors: it’s a space-race chase fast getaway 555 Gauloises muscleman spaceman Non-toy ad Tuesday nonsensical vintage space trip with TVTA!

Ha, and it’s not even Tuesday!! But allow me to tell you how it all began…

It all began with Wooof wanting one of those Bunny ice creams. You know, those crazy-looking popsicles from 1983 France…

pifg-741-1983-bunny-glaces-miko-post

So I was about to take Wooof to the local ice cream parlour for a Bunny when we were hoodwinked into purchasing a Rotaplane … well the advert did say “the sky’s the limit” … but how they lied, those cunning vintage advertisers! Because the sky wasn’t the limit at all, and soon Wooof and I were travelling into the far reaches of the galaxy!

“But I only wanted a Bunny ice cream!” cried Wooof.

“Sorry, old cat,” I replied, “Looks like we have no choice now but to ride this Rotaplane spaceship to the stars and back.”

rotaplane-swweekly-1978-uk

Light-hours passed, when suddenly Wooof and I were mistakenly mistaken by mistake for intergalactic crimelord crooks Melostar and Moco… Grrrr, Wooof looks nothing like a monkey, and no way is my hair that shocking pink colour. It’s actually green.

moco-et-melostar

Dammit, it was time for a cigarette… mild but not meek, at times like this, only a 555 will do!

555-cigarettes-uk-film-review-july-1979

No, actually, give us something classier… something with a cool ad campaign… like a car looking like it’s driving down from space…  how about Gauloises?

matal-hurlant-70-noel-special-1981-gauloises-post

But wait, we don’t even smoke!

Me: I think wooof does smoke actually.

Wooof: He smokes too.

Okay, it must have been all that space dust messing about with our minds, because before we knew it inter-planetary iron bar-bending, pec-popping superstar muscleman Charles Atlas was trying to sell us one of his expensive vintage protein-powered buttock-clenching illustrated books. Impressed by his statement “Let me prove I can make you a new man” we broke out our wallets and purses and handed over our remaining bucks.

charles-atlas-ghostly-haunts-1976-us

Then Wooof made an interesting point, followed by a demand for a full refund: “What about proving you can make me a new cat?” he asked Charles Atlas.

“Hey, Charles,” said I,  “Wooof is right, you can’t make a man out of a cat. And if you can’t, then you ain’t making a man out of me!”

It was at this point that Charles began to lose his temper, and Wooof and I knew we were in for a fight. So we left Charles (in a bloody, beaten mess on the floor – ha, not really , we absolutely ran for our freakin’ lives!) and we boarded our Rotaplane spaceship as fast as we could and sped away!

We were then intercepted by a school space bus full of 1980s-type alien children playing with 1980s-type alien toys. The kids insisted that we took a photo of them to show to the people back home on Earth what 1980s space children looked like. So we did. Here is the photo. Enjoy.

pif-716_-group-toy-shot_1982-post

“Greetings children of planet Earth. In space it is Christmas everyday!”

Soon, Wooof and I were hurtling through the deep vintage outer limits of space, navigating the deadly Rubik’s Cube black hole and the Treehouse Family asteroid belt. It wasn’t long before we encountered Galaxy Rangers trying to flog us some Tang from 1978. Hey, move aside Captain, we’re on a mission and we don’t need no Tang…

galaxy-rangers-pifg-1988

Then we met Flash Gordon and some of his friends. Flash wasn’t trying to sell us Tang, he was just showing off on the cover of a 1980 issue of French comic magazine Pif Gadget.

pif-gadget-612-1980-flash-gordon-cover-post

However, Ming the Merciless was showing off – Ming was selling a case of bootleg cassettes of Wooof’s favourite band Duran Duran. So we bought the lot with some cash we found stuffed down the back of the sofa on the Rotaplane – knowing full well we could more than double our money by re-selling them on the durrrty rimm side of Betelgeuse to Simon Le-Bon fans. Don’t worry, Wooof, you get to keep a copy for yourself and spend the money on as many Bunny ice creams as you like! (cue one happy cat).

Ha, looks like Wooof found inspiration too!

Wooof in Flash Gordon costume being all happy coz he gets to keep one bootleg Duran Duran tape and sell all the others to buy ice cream.

Sadly, Wooof and I never did get chance to flog our magnetic tapes at Betelgeuse. For reasons completely unknown to us, we found ourselves hurtling, inexplicably, back to planet Earth… and our Rotaplane – which frankly was shit but by this time we had actually grown to love, had mysteriously changed into an Atari 2600 spaceship with Wooof and I strapped inside while all around us – in space – the most amazing trippy things were going on, like tennis and the stabbing of large reptiles and Formula 1.

atari-2600-pifg-1988-post

Finally, we arrived back on planet Earth… Phew! What a trip. And when we looked at the calendar in the office six years had passed!

“Crikey,” said Wooof. “The public library cops are going to throw away the keys this time! Wooof was right – our library books were already fifteen years overdue as it was! Both the cat and I were exceptionally tardy when it came to returning books. “What will we do?” said Wooof.

“I think we’d better make a fast getaway,” I said.

“Not back into space!” moaned Wooof.

“Goodness no,” said I, “let’s go to Monte Carlo instead!” Outside, I had spotted a vintage advert showing fast cars and fast shoes. Pirelli Pitstops! “Come on, Wooof. let’s go! Last one to Monaco is a squashed space tomato!”

pirelli-pit-stops-eagle-1983

The End

Brought to you by TVTA Non-toy ad Tuesday nonsensical vintage productions and Rotaplane space travel. Thank you for flying with us. Have a safe and pleasant journey.

Non-toy Ad Tuesday: introducing our Famous Face Rate-o-Meter !!

It’s Non-toy Ad Tuesday time again on The Vintage Toy Advertiser and we’re delighted to bring you our usual delectable slices of retro advertisng goodness as well as our brand new, no-thrills, special ‘marks out of ten’ Famous Face Rate-o-Meter !!

Crikey yes!

So, without further ado… let’s see how our famous faces fared…

Ergo Sprint. ASTERIX and OBELIX – Famous Face Rate-o-Meter rating = 9/10

Famous everywhere… especially in Belgium and France! These two Roman-resisting Gauls are surely worthy of their instant no-messing-about 9 points?

Italy. Topolino. 1979.

Italy. Topolino. 1979.

 

 

Kraft Ramek. YOGI BEAR – Famous Face Rate-o-Meter Rating = 7/10

This Hanna-Barbera bear surely scores well? Do you agree with our 7, or should he be a lowly 4 and slink back off to Jellystone Park?

Italy. Topolino. 1978.

Italy. Topolino. 1978

 

 

Jacob’s Trio biscuit. SUZY – Famous Face Rate-o-Meter rating = 5/10

Probably only famous in the UK, Suzy was the aspirational singer with an incredibly loud voice who advertised Jacob’s Trio.

UK. Count Duckula. 1989.

UK. Count Duckula. 1989.

 

Dubonnet aperatif. PIA ZADORA – Famous Face Rate-o-Meter rating = 6.5/10

The ‘Dubonnet Girl’ of the late 70s and early 80s; a singer and actress, Pia was often panned by critics for her work yet, conversley, was the recipient of a Golden Globe award and was a Grammy Award nominee.

US. Time. 1980.

US. Time. 1980.

 

Nutella. KYUNG HEE – Famous Face Rate-o-Meter rating = 2/10

Really not famous at all (apart from this ad we think). But Kyung seems to be enjoying his slice of baguette freshy-spread with Nutella. Surely he deserves his 2 points. No?

Italy. Topolino. 1978.

Italy. Topolino. 1978.

 

 

Faxe Kondi. Jesper Olsen – Famous Face Rate-o-Meter rating = 6/10

Famous for playing for Ajax and Manchester United in the 1980s, Jesper also played football for his country, Denmark. We’re going to award him a 6!

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1987.

Denmark. Anders And & Co. 1987.

 

 

Trebor Double Agents. THE TREBOR SPY – Famous Face Rate-o-Meter rating = 0/10

Probably only famous in the UK and scores a big fat zero because he is a spy and therefore a master of disguise! Who knows what this character really looks like??

UK. Star Wars Weekly. 1978.

UK. Star Wars Weekly. 1978.

 

 

Playstation 2. THE SIMPSONS – Famous Face Rate-o-Meter rating = 10/10

Woohoo! Come on, surely the winner? Who could be more famous than Homer and his dysfunctional family and friends from Springfield?

UK. Doctor Who Adventures. 2007.

UK. Doctor Who Adventures. 2007.

 

 

But no… hold your horses there… we have a late winner…

 

Radio Nostalgie. MARILYN MONROE, ELVIS PRESLEY, MICK JAGGER, THE BEATLES, SERGE GAINSBOURG, JOHNNY HALLIDAY etc – Famous Face Rate-o-Meter rating = 11/10

Hands down this is the winner scoring a Spinal Tap-worthy 11!

With so many famous faces on display in this ad for French radio station Nostalgie, how can this not be our winner?

Take that Homer!

France. Paris Match. 2001.

France. Paris Match. 2001.

 

The TVTA Famous Face Rate-o-Meter is sponsored by Wooof cat biscuit cereals. No celebrities were harmed in this production just Ewoks.

 

Non-toy ad Tuesday: Office cats, bubblegum, beer, cigarettes and Saturday Morning TV

As TVTA stumbles from the holiday season into another New Year we must confess there has been much overindulging at the office (not work we hasten to add). Still, everything in moderation we say – with just a little bit of excess to keep things interesting. Alas, paperwork duties have fallen to poor Wooof, our office cat, who has been stoutly keeping things going this past week and managed to find the following advertising goodies in the wine cellar on one of his many excursions down there. Well done Wooof!

US. Legion of Superheroes. 1983.

US. Legion of Superheroes. 1983.

France. Paris Match. 2001.

France. Paris Match. 2001.

France. Képi Blanc. 1979.

France. Képi Blanc. 1979.

France. Geo 163. 1992.

France. Geo 163. 1992.

France. Geo 163. 1992.

France. Geo 163. 1992.

US. Legion of Superheroes. 1983.

US. Legion of Superheroes. 1983.

US. Legion of Superheroes. 1983.

US. Legion of Superheroes. 1983.

 

Latest ads: Forbidden Planet, RPGs, Superhero Watches, Strawberry Shortcake and Big Jim

These latest retro paperworks from the UK, US and Brazil have just been added to the archive.


UK. 2000 AD's Dice Man #1. 1986.

UK. 2000 AD’s Dice Man #1. 1986.


UK. 2000 AD Dice Man #1 cover art by Glenn Fabry.

UK. 2000 AD Dice Man #1 cover art by Glenn Fabry. 1986.


UK. 2000 AD Dice Man #1.

UK. 2000 AD Dice Man #1. 1986.


US. Jonah Hex. 1978.

US. Jonah Hex. 1978.


Brazil. Chico Bento. 1985.

Brazil. Chico Bento. 1985.


US. Superman 296. 1976.

US. Superman 296. 1976.


 

Non-toy ad Tuesday: the Habitrail Hamster Wonderland, Skateboard jerseys, the Sleeze Brothers, Species II and the Strat-O-matic baseball thing

Possibly the oddest selection of Non-toy ad Tuesday ads in a while. Blow your hamster’s mind with the Habitrail Hamster Wonderland! Look cool in the latest 70s skatewear. Or just go and figure out the Strat-O-matic baseball thing.

US. Justice League of America. 1975.

US. Justice League of America. 1975.

 

France. Pif Gadget. 1978.

France. Pif Gadget. 1978.

Detail from above advert showing the white tee-shirt with 'Skateboard' design.

Detail from above advert showing the white tee-shirt with ‘Skateboard’ design.

 

US. Cloak and Dagger. 1989.

US. Cloak and Dagger. 1989.

 

US. Alpha Flight. 1998.

US. Alpha Flight. 1998.

 

US. The Unexpected. 1972.

US. The Unexpected. 1972.

 

Non-toy ad Tuesday: ads for Frosties, Trio, Disney, Sukita, Monark BMX, Adidas, Bad News Bears and Beavis and Butthead do America

TVTA‘s latest selection of international non-toy advertising takes us on a time trip that begins in 1976 UK with Kellogs Frosties and 1989 with Trio chocolate. Our next stop is 1980s Brazil with Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Sukita Orange drink, and a cool Monark BMX ad. After that it’s a brief stop in France for a 1978 Adidas football kit ad. Then it’s off to the US for a 1978 Bad News Bears Go To Japan movie ad and, finally, a cheeky 1997 Beavis and Butthead do America VHS rental ad.

 

UK. Planet of the Apes. 1976.

UK. Planet of the Apes. 1976.

 

UK. Count Duckula. 1989.

Suzy’s too loud! Trio chocolate bars. UK. Count Duckula. 1989.

 

Brazil. Peninha. 1987.

New fortnightly Mickey magazine. Brazil. Peninha. 1987.

 

Brazil. Chico Benito. 1985.

Brazil. Chico Benito. 1985.

 

Brazil. Pato Donald. 1983.

Brazil. Pato Donald. 1983.

 

France. Pif Gadget. 1978.

France. Pif Gadget. 1978.

 

US. Star Wars. 1978.

US. Star Wars. 1978.

 

US. Crimson Dawn. 1997.

US. Crimson Dawn. 1997.

 

Non-toy ad Tuesday: The gift of the cat… TDK, Smarties, Slim Jim and Kiri

Most cats offer captured mice, birds or other small creatures as gifts for their owners. But not Wooof, our office cat. Wooof recently came back up from the basement with no less than twelve vintage adverts clutched between his teeth. Thanks Wooof! We’ve been running short of material for our Non-toy ad Tuesday segment for weeks. Go take the afternoon off and hang out with your mates at the cool cat bar or wherever it is you crazy kids go to these days.

Twelve ads… unfortunately three of these had teeth marks and cat saliva all over them and were deemed by our quality control as ‘gross’. Another two ads were stuck together with bubblegum, another had holes cut out to make an improvised mask, and another was home to a family of woodlice. That left only five ads suitable-ish for publication. So, please, enjoy these five ads from the basement. They’re cool, they’re 70s, they’re 80s. They’ve been in a cat’s mouth.

UK. Kerrang! 1985.

UK. Kerrang! 1985.

France. Pif Gadget. 1984.

France. Pif Gadget. 1984.

France. Pif Gadget. 1985.

France. Pif Gadget. 1985.

US. Star Wars. 1978.

US. Star Wars. 1978.

France. Pif Gadget. 1977.

France. Pif Gadget. 1977.

Strawberry Shortcake

Tower template [Converted]

Strawberry Shortcake is a character line created by the American Greetings company. The line was originally made for greetings cards, later developing into other products such as dolls, toys, video games, books, a TV series and TV specials, and a film.


UK. Hamleys Christmas Book. 1983.


The following two adverts are from Brazil where Charlotte is known as Moranguinho.

Brazil. Zé Carioca N° 1693. 1984.

Brazil. Zé Carioca N° 1693. 1984.


Brazil. Chico Bento. 1985.

Brazil. Chico Bento. 1985.


In France Charlotte is known as Charlotte Aux Fraises.

France. Trampline Catalogue. 1980.

France. Trampline Catalogue. 1980.


Strawberry Shortcake. 1979 Miro-Meccano catalogue page.

Strawberry Shortcake. 1979 Miro-Meccano catalogue page.


Further reading: Stawberry Shortcake official site