Top 10 non-medical doctors in pop culture who might be able to aid you in an urgent medical situation

The pitch: You are in the jungle, slowly bleeding to death. Your left leg needs amputating. You have been stung multiple times by angry hornets. You have been partially mauled to death by a black panther. Bitten by a venomous snake. Vultures are circling overhead. The beast of the jungle – a 60 foot Megaprimatus ape – is waiting for nightfall to finish you off!

Short of a miracle, you are completely fu^@*d! Luckily there are ten doctors who might be able to aid you. Problem is, none of them are medical doctors! Nevertheless, each one possesses certain skills, powers and motivations which may help save your life… or not!!

Let’s rate your chances…

1. Dr Pepper

Dr. Pepper, so misunderstood. The Dying You: “I understand you are a can of carbonated soft drink?” Dr. Pepper: “You misunderstand me, I am actually a tin robot full of medicine.” The Dying You: “Thank goodness, any chance you can save my life?” Dr. Pepper: “No, I am lying, I really am a can of carbonated soft drink.” The Dying You: “Curse you Dr. Pepper!!” Dr. Pepper: “Muhuhuhahahaha!”.

Quite obviously you are hallucinating from your injuries, and are conversing with a can of carbonated soft drink. Dr. Pepper is unable to aid you. Chances of survival: 0%  

Dr Pepper advert, 1947. Image Wikipedia

2. Dr. Phibes

Dr. Anton Phibes is a famous concert organist and expert of music, who was thought to have died in a car crash while racing to visit his wife, Victoria, who was having emergency surgery. Phibes survived the crash, but was horribly disfigured and left unable to speak. After learning of Victoria’s death, Phibes went into hiding and developed an evil revenge plan to kill the incompetent surgeons he believed were guilty of Victoria’s death.

It is highly unlikely that the seriously unhinged Dr. Phibes will aid you in any way whatsoever, unless you happen to resemble his beloved Victoria, or are able to seduce him with a vast, musical knowledge you probably don’t possess. Chances of survival: 2%

The Abominable Dr. Phibes. 1971. Movie Time DVD.

3. Doctor Octopus

Save your life? Unlikely. This Marvel supervillain is more likely to baffle your brain with his knowledge of atomic physics, before battering you with one of his four electrically powered, prehensile, tentacle arms. Chances of survival: 8%

Doctor Octopus. Top Trumps.

4. Dr. Manhattan

Before Dr. Manhattan became a superhero he was Dr. Jonathan Osterman, a nuclear physicist who survived disintegration in an Intrinsic Field Subtractor, and managed to reconstruct himself into an all-powerful being.

Prone to mood swings, and with a strong sense of detachment from human suffering, butt-naked Dr. Manhattan is unlikely to help you in your hour of need. But you never know… it all depends on what mood he is in! Chances of survival: 19%

Cover detail of Watchmen. By Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. Titan Books, 2008, Spain.

5. Dr. Lillian Isley (Poison Ivy)

Before Posion Ivy became a formidable DC supervillainess, she was Dr. Pamela Lillian Isley, PhD, a Gotham City botanist who studied advanced botanical biochemistry. Poison Ivy is in her element in a jungle setting, and may well rise to the challenge of battling a 60 foot ape beast with nought else but whatever jungle toxins she can mix up into a potion, and depending on what mood she is in (sweet or evil?) there is a slim to fair chance she may help you in your hour of need. Chances of survival: 34% 

Variant cover of Batman vol. 3, #26, Sept. 2017.
Art by Joshua Middleton. Image Wikipedia

6. Dr. Hook

At last, things are looking up for you!

Dr. Hook was an American rock band who enjoyed chart success throughout the 1970s and 80s with hits like “Sylvia’s Mother”, “When You’re in Love with a Beautiful Woman”, “Better Love Next Time”, and “Sexy Eyes”.

Don’t wanna end up being a human banana for King Kong’s hungry cousin? Then let Dr. Hook’s Essential hits save your skin with smooth ballads penned to lullaby even the most fearsome beast of the jungle into a state of tranquility, as you crawl to the nearest hospital! Chances of survival: 50%

Dr. Hook. Essential.

7. Doktor Avalanche

More musical medicine! Doktor Avalanche is a drum machine and credited band member of dark rockers The Sisters of Mercy. Essentially, Doktor Avalanche was whatever drum machine lead singer Andrew Eldritch was using at the time, and the good Doktor underwent several electronic incarnations across their three studio albums and live tours.

Rhythm may well save you here, as the 60 foot ape beast of the jungle is mesmorised by the dark and hypnotic loops of “Black Planet”, “Lucretia My Reflection”, “Dominion”, and “Doctor Jeep”. Chances of survival: 60%  

Boss DR. Rhythm. DR. 55. As used by The Sisters of Mercy and called Doktor Avalanche.

Floodland. The Sisters of Mercy.

8. Dr. Seuss

Theodor Seuss Geisel was an American children’s author, political cartoonist and animator, and is famous for his internationally-loved stories like The Cat in the HatGreen Eggs and Ham, and One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Dr. Seuss offers a decent chance of saving you as he entertains and bamboozles the ape-beast of the jungle with his fun and nonsensical tales. Chances of survival: 75%

Cover for Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss. 1997, Harper Collins, UK.

9. Doctor Graves

Dr. M. T. Graves hosted stories for The Many Ghosts of Doctor Graves which was published by Charlton Comics throughout the 1960s to 1980s. Graves is well-equipped in matters of the supernatural, and among his many talents are energy manipulation and magic. Bringing a cool, calm and intellectual air to any scene of alarm, Doctor Graves is certain to be able help. Chances of survival: 82%

US. Charlton. The Many Ghosts of Doctor Graves. Steve Ditko cover. 1969.

10. The Doctor

Time travelling adventurer, the Doctor, may not have medical expertise, but you can bet your left leg (why not, it needs amputating anyway) that the Doctor will always find a way to get you out of a tight spot! And with so many Doctors to choose from, you will be spoiled for choice! Chances of survival: 98%

The many faces of The Doctor. Image BBC.

Doctor Who. Thirteen action figure. TVTA collection.

Doctor Who. Vol 1. Marvel US. Cover by Earl Norem. 1981.

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Top Ten Time’s up! That’s all folks! We hope you managed to survive with the aid of one of our handy non-medical doctors, and didn’t end up as ape dinner in the middle of the jungle!

Get well soon 🙂

Never Mind the Adverts Pt14 – Action Figure Frolics and Fun, plus Name-that-Figure quiz, all in TVTA Color!

Welcome to the latest Never Mind The Adverts Here Are The Toys!

In this edition, I finally get my hands on a Thirteenth Doctor action figure as portrayed by Jodie Whittaker in the BBC sci-fi drama Doctor Who. Judge Death stops by to give us an intimate portrait. X-23 Laura Kinney strikes some cool poses. Barbie meets a Dalek! And test your knowledge with TVTA’s fun-time action figure quiz: can you identify the characters and which franchise they belong to?


Doctor Who by Character Options

When 13 met Martha…

The Doctor and Martha Jones finally meet. It’s only natural they strike a pose for the camera.

when Barbie met Dalek

Dalek: Exfoliate! Exfoliate! Barbie: All in good time my lovely new blue accessory… first we have to choose outfits, do our hair, bake cakes, then there’s this cool party I’m throwing later over at my place. What? You haven’t seen my dream house yet!?!


Judge Death – the intimate side 

X-23 – These boots are made for slashing, and a fistful of adamantium! 

X-23… how do you like it?


Quiz time!!!

And now, from Norwich, it’s the quiz of the week! Presenting, in glorious TVTAColorVision, the TVTA fun-time action figure quiz: Identify each character for 1 point, its franchise for a bonus point. Can you score more than 14 points? Don’t feel bad if not, this is quite hard, and Wooof only scored 5 points and he’s supposed to be an expert! Haha. Hard cheese, cat… What, shhhh, don’t tell the readers I only scored 3 points!

Answers are at the end of the post… no cheating! Deduct a point if you do, naughty you!

Right, let’s go! Name the following characters, and the franchise they appear in…


Cowboys!

And finally, how about some cool cowboy figures from the 1980s? These were made by a company called Gerca. I remember nagging my mom for ages as a kid for a pack of cowboys very similar to these – I wanted them because their hats and guns were removable and the body parts interchangeable!

Wild West figures. Gerca. 1980s. Made in Macau. Loose.

Wild West figures. Gerca. 1980s. Made in Macau. MIP.


That’s all folks,

Thanks for getting action figure quizzical with us 🙂  Join us again soon for another edition of Never Mind The Adverts, in glorious TVTAColorVision!! 

Doctor Who latest ads and the Dalek Supreme!

Vrooop! Vreep! Christmas is coming! And one of the many things the season always brings us is the Doctor Who Christmas special. Trailers for it can be seen here and here. TVTA gets into the festive mood with a selection of vintage Doctor Who ads, and a long overdue toy entry for the Dalek Supreme, from the 2010 Paradigm set released by Character Options.

Finally Daleks Strategist, Scientist, The Eternal, and Drone are no longer leaderless!

The Paradigm featured in the 2010 5th series episode Victory of the Daleks. Writer Mark Gatiss wanted the Daleks to be bigger than those previously seen, with bright colours inspired by the Peter Cushing Doctor Who movies of the 1960s. UK toy license holder Character Options released all five individually throughout 2010.

It’s worth pointing out another interesting Dalek design in the episode Victory of the Daleks, and that is the WWII ‘Ironsides’ employed by Winston Churchill. The Character Options release of this figure is one of my all time favourite Daleks.


And now, in vintage Doctor Who news…

The following ads just in…

US. Starlog. 1984.

UK. Doctor Who Weekly. 1980.

UK. Doctor Who Weekly. 1980.

UK. Starburst. 1989.

UK. Starburst. 1988.

UK. Starburst. 1987.


Thank you for hiding behind the sofa with us 🙂

2008 Airfix catalogue UK

The 2008 UK Airfix catalogue features model-making kits for Doctor Who and Wallace and Gromit along with the typical military vehicles and soldiers the Airfix brand is famous for. The high-quality 97 page catalogue was aimed at the UK market and is packed with wonderful photographs. Below are a few sample scans.

Doctor Who. The cover features a cheeky appearance from the Tardis to make the first letter ‘i’ of ‘Airfix’.

Wallace and Gromit

Military

Thanks for looking!