New ads just in featuring: 80s TV favourites The A-Team, Air Force model kits from Monogram, slot car racing vehicles from Tyco, Superhero Hang Ups, and a 1983 Playmobil promotion.
Charlie Mensuel. Issue 19. 1983. France. Charlie Mensuel was a French adult comic book published between 1969 and 1986 with links to its current relative Charlie Hebdo and editor-in-chief the late Georges Wolinski. Issue 19 is packed with 18 pages of Return of the Jedi features, and contains the above artwork of Princess Leia kissing C-3PO! The text loosely translated is: “Lionel Bret (the artist) dreams up for you an episode edited out from Star Wars.”
The cover of issue 19, Charlie Mensuel, and some sample pages:
2000 AD. Prog 320. 1983. UK. 2000 AD is a UK comic first published in 1977. Prog 320 devoted its cover and two inside pages to a competition to win Return of the Jedi prizes.
Advert from Prog 319 announcing Prog 320.
And lastly, an advert from Eagle comics, September 3, 1983. Return of the Jedi free gift stickers.
Ha, and it’s not even Tuesday!! But allow me to tell you how it all began…
It all began with Wooof wanting one of those Bunny ice creams. You know, those crazy-looking popsicles from 1983 France…
So I was about to take Wooof to the local ice cream parlour for a Bunny when we were hoodwinked into purchasing a Rotaplane … well the advert did say “the sky’s the limit” … but how they lied, those cunning vintage advertisers! Because the sky wasn’t the limit at all, and soon Wooof and I were travelling into the far reaches of the galaxy!
“But I only wanted a Bunny ice cream!” cried Wooof.
“Sorry, old cat,” I replied, “Looks like we have no choice now but to ride this Rotaplane spaceship to the stars and back.”
Light-hours passed, when suddenly Wooof and I were mistakenly mistaken by mistake for intergalactic crimelord crooks Melostar and Moco… Grrrr, Wooof looks nothing like a monkey, and no way is my hair that shocking pink colour. It’s actually green.
Dammit, it was time for a cigarette… mild but not meek, at times like this, only a 555 will do!
No, actually, give us something classier… something with a cool ad campaign… like a car looking like it’s driving down from space… how about Gauloises?
But wait, we don’t even smoke!
Me: I think wooof does smoke actually.
Wooof: He smokes too.
Okay, it must have been all that space dust messing about with our minds, because before we knew it inter-planetary iron bar-bending, pec-popping superstar muscleman Charles Atlas was trying to sell us one of his expensive vintage protein-powered buttock-clenching illustrated books. Impressed by his statement “Let me prove I can make you a new man” we broke out our wallets and purses and handed over our remaining bucks.
Then Wooof made an interesting point, followed by a demand for a full refund: “What about proving you can make me a new cat?” he asked Charles Atlas.
“Hey, Charles,” said I, “Wooof is right, you can’t make a man out of a cat. And if you can’t, then you ain’t making a man out of me!”
It was at this point that Charles began to lose his temper, and Wooof and I knew we were in for a fight. So we left Charles (in a bloody, beaten mess on the floor – ha, not really , we absolutely ran for our freakin’ lives!) and we boarded our Rotaplane spaceship as fast as we could and sped away!
We were then intercepted by a school space bus full of 1980s-type alien children playing with 1980s-type alien toys. The kids insisted that we took a photo of them to show to the people back home on Earth what 1980s space children looked like. So we did. Here is the photo. Enjoy.
Soon, Wooof and I were hurtling through the deep vintage outer limits of space, navigating the deadly Rubik’s Cube black hole and the Treehouse Family asteroid belt. It wasn’t long before we encountered Galaxy Rangers trying to flog us some Tang from 1978. Hey, move aside Captain, we’re on a mission and we don’t need no Tang…
Then we met Flash Gordon and some of his friends. Flash wasn’t trying to sell us Tang, he was just showing off on the cover of a 1980 issue of French comic magazine Pif Gadget.
However, Ming the Merciless was showing off – Ming was selling a case of bootleg cassettes of Wooof’s favourite band Duran Duran. So we bought the lot with some cash we found stuffed down the back of the sofa on the Rotaplane – knowing full well we could more than double our money by re-selling them on the durrrty rimm side of Betelgeuse to Simon Le-Bon fans. Don’t worry, Wooof, you get to keep a copy for yourself and spend the money on as many Bunny ice creams as you like! (cue one happy cat).
Sadly, Wooof and I never did get chance to flog our magnetic tapes at Betelgeuse. For reasons completely unknown to us, we found ourselves hurtling, inexplicably, back to planet Earth… and our Rotaplane – which frankly was shit but by this time we had actually grown to love, had mysteriously changed into an Atari 2600 spaceship with Wooof and I strapped inside while all around us – in space – the most amazing trippy things were going on, like tennis and the stabbing of large reptiles and Formula 1.
Finally, we arrived back on planet Earth… Phew! What a trip. And when we looked at the calendar in the office six years had passed!
“Crikey,” said Wooof. “The public library cops are going to throw away the keys this time! Wooof was right – our library books were already fifteen years overdue as it was! Both the cat and I were exceptionally tardy when it came to returning books. “What will we do?” said Wooof.
“I think we’d better make a fast getaway,” I said.
“Not back into space!” moaned Wooof.
“Goodness no,” said I, “let’s go to Monte Carlo instead!” Outside, I had spotted a vintage advert showing fast cars and fast shoes. Pirelli Pitstops! “Come on, Wooof. let’s go! Last one to Monaco is a squashed space tomato!”
Brought to you by TVTA Non-toy ad Tuesday nonsensical vintage productions and Rotaplane space travel. Thank you for flying with us. Have a safe and pleasant journey.
Welcome to another scintillating edition of Non-toy ad Tuesday – the brassy and brazen blog post with big shoulders barging toy adverts out of the way to bring you a bonanza of (b)randomness as advertised back in the 1970s and 1980s!
Woah Wooof, what did you just say… you’re betting me 6 pounds, a dozen copies of vintage Misty and the instructions to a Habitrail Hamster Wonderland that I can’t get through this blog post without mentioning Simon Le Bon?!? Ha, what a crazy cat of an office cat you are! This will be easy. Prepare to lose, Wooof, because I’m bringing it on right now with some fantastic video value from R.T.V……
… and a great way to part with your hard-earned cash – see how expensive video tapes were back in the day? Joining a video club was often a good way to get a discount when making miltiple purchases.
Here’s another, this time from Corinth Video: Invasion of the Body Snatchers – list price $59.95 – club price $52.95! Strange Invaders – list price $79.95 – Club price $69.95!!
DO NOT TAPE OVER THIS!!! EVER!!!!
While we’re on the subject of video tapes, how about some blank tapes to record those episodes of the A-Team or Knight Rider you keep missing because you have to go to boy/girl Scouts? Be sure to label your cassettes though, otherwise mum might tape over them with episodes of Dallas or Dynasty!!
French Curly Chips World Wildlife Fund Promotion
I love this colourful ad from Curly. Top prize here was a trip to China. Others prizes included soft toy panda bears. You can still get Curly Cacahuéte (peanut) chips here in France, a popular choice to go with aperatif.
It’s all potatoes in the end…
Staying on the subject of chips… here is an advert for some UK chips, except that in the UK chips are known as crisps unlike in France where they’re called chips, whereas, in the UK, chips are actually sliced then deep-fried or oven baked potatoes…. when In France chips (peeled, fried etc) are called frites (skinny chips) but are actually Belgium in origin yet in the UK are called French fries… Ha! Confused? Don’t be. Eat and be happy. Ask questions later.
This 1978 ad is part of a football-themed series created for Smiths Football Crazy crisps brand. You can see further examples of these in some of my other Non-toy ad Tuesday posts.
Griffin Young Savers Bank Account… get the kids in the system as soon as you can!
Griffin Young Savers…
No, not this Griffin…
It’s this Griffin…
In the eighties UK banks like the Midland enticed young savers with gifts of stationery, bags, folders and maths sets… all gloriously emblazened with the bank’s corporate logo and kid-friendly cartoon mascot.
Music… it’s N°1!
Let’s not allow banks to have the final word in this Non-toy ad Tuesday edition… let’s give it over for some music instead. In the eighties, colour music magazines were an important fix for all your musical needs. Singles charts, latest albums, gigs, lyrics, posters, features and profiles… most magazines covered these. In the UK Smash Hits was arguably the most popular, but there was another… N°1! The following advert features The Jam, Madness, and Simon Le Bon …….
Oh. Damn. Simon Le Bon. Okay Wooof, you win, you win! I’ll cough up the goods later. In the meantime let me show this final advert.
That’s all for this month. I’m off to the Midland bank to draw out 6 pounds for Wooof. Join us again soon for another fun-packed Non-toy ad Tuesday. As always, thanks for looking.