Six Sentence Stories: Comtesse Marie-Paule and the Ancient Menace

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Dracula. 1983. Sweden/Finland.

I’m linking up with Denise at Girlie On The Edge Blog, where she hosts Six Sentence Stories, and everyone is invited to write a story or poem constructed of six sentences, and six sentences only, based on a cue word given. This week’s cue word is Noise.

Comtesse Marie-Paule and the Ancient Menace  

The noise began as a SCREAM, then pitiful groans, soft whimpers, lastly a hollow silence before the tools of Comtesse Marie-Paule set to work making noises of their own: hack, chop, grind, slice, rend; noises which leeched into the downstairs quarters of the lodge, where Emilio stared grimly at the rafters and said to Lucianne, “What’s she doing up there?”

“She’s making sure,” Lucianne said evenly, her old, grey eyes not daring to shift from the lodge door and the yet banished possibility of minions charging in to avenge a slain two-thousand year old master.

Upstairs, the noises persisted: thump, slop, splat, burst, spatter – and a reek pervaded the lodge like a creeping mist clad in the robes of all fevers, plague, leprosy, and rotting bodies strewn about fields of military campaigns.

Comtesse Marie-Paule closed the door upstairs, and clopped down the steps to meet her two servants, and she gave to Emilio her wrap of tools, bloodied, wet and stinking, as was her cloak, her chains and crosses and pale skin, and she said to him, “Clean them.”

“You took your time, Comtesse,” Lucianne said to her mistress.

Marie-Paule gave a knowing smile and said, “These ancient vampyrs… you know… such tough meat to cut while abroad… unlike the tender, young ones we always find at home.”

Dracula N°6. 1983. Sweden/Finland.

I Vampire N°308. 1982. US.

Thank you for assisting us with an ancient menace!  🧛‍♂️🦇

 

22 thoughts on “Six Sentence Stories: Comtesse Marie-Paule and the Ancient Menace”

  6. I enjoyed your Six.*

    Nicely visceral story-ette.

    I liked the ‘at-a-distance’ presentation of the action of the story… sure, words describing actions are there, but, with the action somewhere else, we Readers are left to provide our own visuals. How can we not imagine whats going on upstairs.

    Cool

    in the interest of Full Disclosure, I googled, ‘Comtesse Marie-Paule’. She does not exist. At least as far as google is concerned (limited to the first page of a search return).**
    ** My compliments on the name. (imo the finding the name of a character is one of the most satisfying parts of writing fiction.)
    It (naming) is one of the more critical and, not surprisingly, tricky parts of writing. An off-the-shelf name, say, ‘Madame Looks-like-Helena Bonham Carter’ may sound like a great name, but, its the name of someone already. Its kinda weird, how the ‘real’ made-up names contribute a degree of something to characters…. where was I? Oh yeah, the Six!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Clark, thanks so much man!
      I agree finding the ‘right’ name of a character is highly rewarding. Along with coming up with titles, this can for sure be just as tricky as writing the text!
      Agree too when a char name ‘pops’ into your head… this name can then dictate the traits of the char to degrees, and even whole storylines… When that happens there is a special kind of writing magic I think.
      Have to disclose here that I prob spent as much time researching the name, period, and gender properties of ‘Comtesse Marie-Paule’ as I did writing the SSS! All good, learning fun I reckon. She has a surname too – which I might reveal in later stories of her adventures.
      Brill thoughts, sir! Thank you 🙂

      Like

      Reply ↓

  10. Hi TVTA, congratulations you succeeded with making your story fit the keyword. All I could think of were pictures of how gruesome the scene upstairs would be and the BBC Radiophonic Workshop Special Effects Library CDs. Why CDs from the BBC you ask? Well there are some rather descriptive titles to the sound clips found on them such as “Arm wrenched out of socket and used to club someone with the wet end”!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • Thanks FT. Awesome, the ‘arm wrenched out sound effect’ ! The BBC have long been pioneers of the sound effect – think of the work they did on early Doctor Who episodes! Also, one of my fave all time Father Ted episodes is “Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep” featuring a BBC sound effects record in the storyline. Classic stuff 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

      • Hi again, very true…never has a bedspring become so iconic! I was very lucky as my local library had a fantastic music lending section and I got to borrow the entire BBC FX collection (luckily they had been condensed onto CD by then) but they were amazing recordings. I know for a fact one of my tutors at college (a platinum disc winning record producer) owned a set of the records and used them.
        “Where’s your mama gone….where’s ya mama gone…..Where’s your papa gone?…..” Loved that song too.

        Liked by 1 person

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