Top ten toys that are freaking me out right now

Baby Face dolls. Galoob. 1992.

Hello, vintage mates. I’m nowhere near the stage of the definitions below, but lately some of my toy ads are freaking me out!

Pediophobia or “the fear of dolls” is a specific type of phobia characterized by irrational and intense fear or worry of dolls. Pediophobia is closely related to Automatonophobia.

Automatonophobia – morbid fear of ventriloquist’s dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues or any inanimate object that simulates a sentient being.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me… but am I the only one to feel disturbed by this plush bunny sitting at the edge of a pond?

Bunny Long Legs. 1983.

And how about this Dancing Sailor Doll… 100% guaranteed to pick a fight with you, even if you agree with him!

DANCING SAILOR, clockwork tinplate sailor in cloth uniform, by Lehmann, circa 1912.

Maybe it is me.

Maybe not.

Anyway, I’m not taking any chances, and neither should you!

Be warned…

Here is my top ten toy adverts that freak me out lately…

#10 – Thumbelina Dolls 

Tiny terrors. The kind of dolls you might find hiding in small boxes, your purse, or when you open the fridge – sat next to the milk and yoghurt. No!

Thumbelina dolls. 1972. Ideal.


#9 – Olivia Makeup and Hair

Decapitated heads ‘messed about with’. A future serial-killer’s ideal choice of toy?

Olivia. 1979. Raynal.


#8 – Makin’ Faces Face Paints

Evil spawn of rock band KISS, or twisted, young psychopath? You choose… I’m staying well away from this child and his box of evil!

Makin’ Faces. 1980.


#7 – Garfield Plush

A perfectly normal cartoon character rendered into the stuff of nightmares by being made into a plushie, photographed with fuzzy 1980s technology and print methods, and made to sit in a tree outdoors. Beam me up, Scotty!

Garfield. 1983.


#6 – Albert Buckner Dolls

The only way to be certain of their demise is to nuke them from outer space!

Albert Buckner dolls.


#5 – Sleep Walker Bill

No way, Bill, you’re never sleeping over at mine, ever! Book a hotel already!

Sleep Walker Bill from the Babs, Randy and Bill fashion dolls line, 1960s.


#4- World’s Famous Puppet Show

I think I need therapy after seeing this!

World’s Famous Puppet Show. 1995.


#3 – Baby Face Dolls

With cheeky names like ‘So Surprised Suzy’ and ‘So Funny Natalie’ what could go wrong? They’re so cute… so adorable… so lifelike… so help me, I’m going to have to sell a kidney to pay for a good shrink just to get me through the next week!

Baby Face Dolls. 1992.


#2 – Funny Faces

Child, quickly now, move away from that abomination of a toy before it steals your soul! Tsk. Parents, what were you thinking, buying this for your child at Christmas?!

Funny Faces. 1983.


#1 – Gorilla Suit

Gorilla suit. 1983.

I know it’s only a costume, but once you’ve draped this thing over your chair for the night after a hard day’s Tarzan cosplaying, do you really want to take the chance of it nefariously coming to life and murdering you in your sleep? Call me paranoid, but you can count me out!


Did we forget to mention… Annabelle and Chucky??

Yikes!


(shiver!)

That’s all for now, folks. Thanks for looking (over your shoulder) 🙂

Suggested power song to blog to today: “Doll Parts” by Hole.

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